We’ve all heard the catch phrase “work, life balance” but we need to think of this with a third prong – SELF. As parents we often must prioritise the multiple commitments and responsibilities that occur in day-to-day life. Unfortunately, many parents place their own needs low in the list or worst still forget to include themselves at all. Practicing self-care is a key component of being a parent, or for that matter, a person.
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs, you are on call 24/7, 365 days a year with no sick leave, or holiday leave, and no weekends off! We actively try to protect our children from negative experiences and from witnessing our own health concerns. The problem with this is, that children are more aware than we give them credit for. Often children know “something” is wrong, they just do not have the cognitive reasoning to fully understand (nor are they mind readers). The risk here is that children often internalise problems and come to the conclusion that they have in some way caused the issue, especially if you are a little less tolerant or have less energy to engage. So, finding ways to rest and recharge is important and requires creativity and commitment.
Self-care includes caring for your physical, emotional and mental health. There are many benefits for both parent and child. Not only will you feel better, have more patience and energy, but you will also be strengthening your relationship by having greater capacity for care and engagement with your child. Additionally, you will be role modelling the importance of self-care to your child.
Physical Health
What comes to mind when you think physical health? Commonly it is being disease and/or pain free – but we must think beyond this. The absence of a physical ailment does not equate to good Physical Health. Our body can be lacking in energy and important nutrients and still operate. However, to keep up with our children, we need our body running at optimum capacity. This is achieved through healthy lifestyle – eating a balanced diet and exercise, taking time for ourselves and through regular health checks. Early intervention is far less stressful than treatment.
The best part about good physical health is that we can incorporate it into our quality time with our children. We can take a walk to the park, play a game of soccer, ride a bike, go for a swim etc. Eating a healthy diet can also be a great bonding experience. Get into the kitchen with your children, let them help look for recipes, discuss the ingredients and introduce them to the nutritional traffic light system (link at the bottom) to encourage healthy eating. Build a love of healthy food through creative menus and precious memories of hanging out with you. After all, children learn by observing their role models.
Emotional Health
Life is full of stress, having good emotional health allows us to bounce back and feel good about who we are. Being able to control our thoughts, how we feel and how we respond in a stressful situation are indicators of good emotional health. Being emotionally healthy increases our capacity to develop and maintain healthy relationships with our children.
As a parent, especially with younger children, it is easy to become isolated. Leaving the house becomes a whole new experience once children are part of the picture! After all, before children you might have carried a phone, keys, wallet and for the ladies maybe some make up in a cute little purse. Now it’s a large bag or backpack with a phone, keys, a wallet…. somewhere…. under the nappy, sipper cup, snacks, wet wipes, spare clothes, toys, fruit, and….OMG WHERE IS BLANKIE!!!!! Along with a multitude of other items.
Humans are social creatures, take the time to catch up with friends, have that special date night, and enjoy some child free time. Your children will not suffer if you take a break, in fact, ensuring you are emotionally healthy will strengthen the bond between parent and child and help them develop a secure attachment style which will last throughout their life.
Mental Health
Maintaining our physical and emotional health goes a long way to helping our mental health, but we need to look further. Good mental health is about having a positive mindset, being able to manage in stressful situations and having a good self-esteem. Parenting is a tough job and we are often bombarded with information on how to be a good parent and we develop this fear that somehow if we don’t get it perfect, we will damage our children forever! So, we constantly compare ourselves to other parents, usually negatively, and don’t stop to consider how this may impact on our sense of self-worth.
The best thing you can do as a parent is to erase the term “perfect” from your vocabulary. What your children need is not an elusive, impossible to achieve perfect parent. Aim to be good enough! A parent who is loving, affectionate, engaged, encouraging, a positive role model, and healthy. Have faith in your parenting skills, speak kindly to yourself and forgive yourself when the inevitable mistakes happen. You are human, teach your children it is okay to make a mistake, to reach out for help when needed and to be the best person you can be. Not only will you enjoy good mental health but you will be increasing the chance that your children will also enjoy good mental health throughout life.
Self-care does not need to be a major event, even taking five minutes for yourself to sit, relax and breath can have significant benefits for the well-being of yourself and your family. Some other ideas may include:
- Exercising regularly
- Sleeping more (honestly the housework will still be there when you wake up)
- Healthy balanced diet
- Grab a massage (you deserve it after all that housework)
- Cuddle, kiss, and enjoy intimacy with your partner
- Take a long bath
- Enjoy a walk outdoors
- Make a coffee date with friends
- Laugh often – watch that comedy, or cat video whatever makes you giggle
- Make time for your relationship with your significant other – go to dinner or have a picnic in the back garden while the kids are napping
Practising self-care includes forgiveness. It’s not easy to change our habits and when our schedule gets hectic it is easy to fall into old patterns. If you find yourself struggling please reach out for support.
Caring for the well-being of others takes commitment – so commit to yourself because you are worth it!
How to Access a Psychologist at CQ Psych Services:
- Contact us directly by calling 07 49726929 or email admin@cqpsychservices.com.au
- Ask your GP or health professional to refer you to our clinic.
- Visit our website and complete a ‘Contact Us’ form and one of our friendly staff will reply to your enquiry. Website: https://cqpsychservices.com.au/
For 24/7 Crisis Support contact:
Parentline 1300 301 300
Lifeline 13 11 14
Healthy Eating Advisory Service: https://heas.health.vic.gov.au/healthy-choices/guidelines/traffic-light-system
Author: Tina Bunge