Many women spend years of their lives feeling misunderstood or just plain exhausted by the effort of keeping up with what everyone else seems to do so easily. These women often come into therapy feeling anxious, depressed, or simply “too sensitive.” While those struggles are real, there is sometimes something deeper going on beneath the surface: neurodivergence that has gone undiagnosed – sometimes for decades.

So, what exactly is neurodivergence?
Neurodivergence refers to brain differences that affect how someone thinks, processes information, interacts socially, or regulates emotions. This includes autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and others. While neurodivergence isn’t a disorder, it often clashes with the expectations of a world designed for neurotypical people. That’s where the difficulties begin.

In recent years, there is increasing recognition that women and girls are significantly more likely to receive a diagnosis later in life – if they are diagnosed at all. This delay isn’t because neurodivergence is less common in women, but because it often looks different. The diagnostic criteria were originally developed based on how these presentations typically appear in boys and men. As a result, many neurodivergent women fall through the cracks.

A major reason for this is something called masking or camouflaging.

Masking refers to the conscious or unconscious suppression of one’s natural behaviours in order to fit in socially. For neurodivergent women, this can mean forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable, mimicking others’ social cues, rehearsing conversations ahead of time, or even supressing their special interests to avoid seeming “different.”

Camouflaging is not just hiding who you are – it’s actively constructing a persona that feels more “acceptable” to others. It’s smiling through sensory overload, laughing at the right times even if you don’t understand the joke, or constantly monitoring your tone and expressions to avoid judgment.

At first glance, these behaviours might seem like social skills. But over time, masking becomes exhausting. It can lead to chronic anxiety, burnout, identity confusion, and even depression.  These women are often successful and outwardly composed – which makes it even harder for others (and themselves) to recognise that they’re struggling. Many women describe a sense of “not knowing who they really are,” because they’ve spent so long trying to be who they thought they should be.

From a gender-informed lens, women are socialised from a young age to be accommodating, to please others, and to blend in. Combine that with the invisible labour of masking, and it’s no wonder that many don’t come to understand their neurodivergence until adulthood – often after their child is diagnosed or following a mental health crisis.

If you suspect this might apply to you or someone you care about, please know you are not broken and you are not alone. There’s power in understanding your brain and your needs. Masking may have helped you survive, but you don’t have to stay hidden forever.

For more information on Autism and ADHD, you can check out these websites:

• https://www.yellowladybugs.com.au/
• https://adhdfoundation.org.au/

If you have any questions about neurodivergence or would like to book in with our team of highly skilled and well-experienced psychologists, reach out by giving us a call on (07) 4972 6929 or sending us an email at admin@cqpsychservices.com.au. We are here to support you.

How to Access a Psychologist at CQ Psych Services:

• Contact us directly by calling 07 4972 6929 or email admin@cqpsychservices.com.au
• Ask your GP or health professional to refer you to our clinic.
• Come in and see our friendly staff at Shop 1 & 2, 13 Tank Street, Gladstone QLD 4680.
• Visit our website and complete a ‘Request an Appointment’ form and one of our friendly staff will reply to your enquiry. Website: https://cqpsychservices.com.au/

Author: Nina Galletta 

Provisional Psychologist